goes one better and goes to Cash Converters to swap a digital watch, a gold chain and a signed photo of Elvis for a Telecaster. Bargain, he alleges. Looks like an old one but is, in fact, a new one. And the point of all this trading? You tell me.

New sounds to play with, a bit less kerrang, a little more American? Andy says, it could be but it doesn't have to be. Okay it might be. It's a really good combination of tones which are, well, immediate. Turn it down and it could almost be acoustic which is a fabulous option, but the louder, overdriven sounds are in themselves very exciting. I still use black plectrums, of course, he claims. What the hell is he on about? They've lost me. He'll soon be saying that the colour of his shirt influences things. Your correspondent shakes her head in bemusement, straightens her blouse and fiddles with her suede boots. Do really think that I am gullible?

Steve says, "Ah yes, the Fender Precision bass. I just like the look of it. And it's old...I like old things. And didn't Dee Dee Ramone play one?"